Joined Jul 7 2011
Black & White Ministries
House of Hope
First and foremost, Yahweh is my Ultimate Life, without Him I’d be non-existent. Why He chose to save me only He can tell you. Whatever His reason, I am grateful to be alive in Him! Yesterday is gone, today is a new day, and I have great hope for the future, but I couldn’t have seen life this way without Yahweh enlightening me to His love. I was pulled from the depths of hell when Yahweh gave me His hand and pulled me from addiction. The truth has set me free, and I plead honesty at all cost. It was through my willingness to admit my weaknesses that Yahweh was merciful to me, and began making me strong in Him. In humility always, I purpose to remember where He has brought me from, and I choose to walk in His intended footsteps so that I can be of witness to those who are still where I have been. Against all odds, He defied the statistics of addiction, and He made me whole. He didn’t just restore me, He made me whole! I wasn’t “whole” before addiction! I never knew the meaning of the word “whole” until He gave me new life. My thoughts from yesterday are not my thoughts today. I am a new man (woman)!
My heart bleeds for those who are still lost in active addiction. “There is another way!”….Oh, how I wish I could shout that from the roof-tops! Fact is, through rehab and AA, I still craved the numb. It was a struggle for me to stay clean; all I wanted to do was shut down the thoughts that tormented me. Being sober meant facing the harsh reality that I had become everything that was expected of me; I had become a failure in all aspects of life. It seemed that no matter how hard I’d tried , even in blood sweat and tears, failure was always the final outcome. Addiction brought me to the end of me. The only hope I had left was the hope that either Yahweh would reveal Himself to me (What did He want from me?), or that death would soon take me. The earthly house I had built with my two hands had crumbled to the ground. Everything I once owned had been stripped from my hands; children, houses, cars, clothes, food, stability, shelter, family, morals, self. With nothing left, I had only one direction left to look…..UP! “My final hope“, I decided, “will be spent looking up“, and if this didn’t work, then death was the only thing left.
Before stepping into active addiction, I attended church regularly, but I never fully gave Yahweh my all. I picked through what I allowed Him to have, and thought I could keep the rest hidden within me. I cannot say that there was any one specific thing that pushed me over into active addiction. There were years of an accumulation of hurts from words and actions that ate through me like a flesh eating bacteria. These hurts, accompanied with my decision to hold those who administered them accountable (unforgiveness), participated in my desire to numb. With one final emotional blow, all of my attempts to try turned into blood cries, white flags, and surrender to the enemy within (my mind). I gave up the fight, and walked away with hands down. This should have been the end of me.
Even in active addiction, Yahweh was with me. His word says “If I ascend up into heaven, Thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, Thou art there.” (Psalm 139:8) There were numerous occasions when I can remember knowing He was present with me, almost as if He was standing with me, just waiting for me to turn around and acknowledge Him, so that He could wrap His arms around me. He even offered me an angelic host to ensure my safe arrival home when death’s hold on me was imminent (This story will be blogged soon). In other words, through prayers which covered this vessel, He protected the breath of life within me, though it was planned by another to remove it.
Because of His grace and mercy upon my life, the very epitome of HOPE lies within every beat of my heart, every breath that I breathe, every word that I speak, and every ounce of my being cries out to offer that very HOPE to those who are in need. My hands are extended to those who need hope. Hold onto hope! Never, Never, Never Let Go!
My plea to those who are weary and are begging for death, is to use your last hope and look Up. Cry out to the Father, He will show you who you were created to be. He will heal every error in your life. He will give you understanding. He will set your feet upon your intended path, and He will use you to be a bright and shining light to others who are in need. Everything you became in active addiction will become a mere memory, which will no longer have hold of your life. You will begin to see life through the eyes of the Father, in all of the beauty He intended life to be. You will be……….made WHOLE!
I love you all, my brothers and sisters in addiction, in recovery!
In Faith and Love,